Can’t We All Just Get Along?

The Atheologist was listening to Ray Nagin’s Martin Luther King Day speech the other day and in it, Nagin commented:

"I don't care what people are saying uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day. This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be. You can't have New Orleans no other way.”

Well, Pat Robertson heard it too and had this to say:

"I have some questions for the mayor: Did god want New Orleans to be black so he could wipe it out? If God wanted New Orleans to be black, why did he target so many black neighborhoods? And I have the answer: The black, heathen, hoodoo and voodoo people of New Orleans were being punished for their digressions from our Lord, and I believe it may be time to have a different color of people populate New Orleans. This would please the Lord. Mayor Nagin is telling a lie about hearing God speak; I know this for a fact, because I am one of only a handful of people that God speaks to. What Mr. Ray Nagin needs to do, is to learn proper grammar and syntax. Have you heard the way he speaks? Do you think that God would want to converse with someone with has defiled the great Christian language of English with Ebonical dialogue? May God bless the Lower 9th Ward."

Yes, may God bless us, every one.

The Atheologist

Was Martin Luther King Jr. An Atheist?

Today we celebrate Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Junior’s birthday. In the spirit of the celebration, the Atheologist performed an online search with these four words: Martin, Luther, King, and hero. One of the websites that came up in the search was, greaterthings.com, in which the supposed owner of the site, Chuck Baldwin states that the good doctor King was:

"a philanderer, a violent person, a plagiarizer, that he was cozy with Communists and worst of all he came to renounce the fundamental tenets of the Christian faith. He rejected Christ's deity, His virgin birth, and His physical resurrection. He also rejected the authority and inspiration of the Holy Bible."

The Atheologist was taken by surprise to say the least, why would Doctor King have rejected the authority of the Holy Bible? Was he an Atheist?
To get some insight into this question the Atheologist turned to Mark Knoll, the well known Bible expert, Mark says:

"Martin Luther King Jr. was not an Atheist; he was an Apostate Minister and the reason that he rejected the authority of the Holy Bible, was mostly due to his incorrect interpretation of it. While it is true that the Bible is full of stories containing cannibalism, child killing, rape…etc, and has rules for keeping and treating slaves, and for a black man in this country, which I believe he was, slavery, was a no-no. There are some parts of the Bible that actually teach us to be nice to one another. Martin Luther King Jr. did not read the bible properly. The proper way to read the Bible and get the most out of it is to skim over and ignore the parts that may cause you to distress or may confuse you and just read the ones you like, or better yet just have your minister, pastor or parish priest read them to you."

The Atheologist

Is Baseball The Answer?

The faithful continued to get the crap kicked out of them in this very young New Year. Once again there was a stampede during the stoning of the devil ritual at the Hajj pilgrimage in Saudi Arabia; At least 345 Muslim pilgrims were reported killed and hundreds were injured today. The stampede in 1990 killed 1,426 people and another in February 2004 killed 244. The Saudi interior ministry said it would look into the suggestions made after the last stampede that baseball should be made the official sport of Saudi Arabia and the rest of the OPEC nations. One official was quoted as saying:

“…in baseball you must throw a ball with great speed and accuracy. This would help because then the stoners, the baseball player ones anyway, would not have to get so close to the devil. Many of the pilgrims would be able to throw their stones from their buses or camels as they pass the pillars. This should prevent most of the stampeding.”

And may the Atheologist add that there’s no crying in baseball.

The Atheologist

Ariel Sharon; Smite or Appetite?

On January 4th in the world's only Jewish state, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke. And once again Pat Robertson offered his insight into the situation:

"Ariel Sharon was dividing God's land, and God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone,' so the old Jew received his proper smiting, and woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course."

Anyone that pays attention to the mainstream media knows that Pat Robertson speaks for God and says that God speaks to him in an audible voice. Reverend Pat is always getting the medias attention and his insightful quotes are everywhere, here, here, here. As logical as Reverend Pat's explanation is, the Atheologist went ahead anyway and performed in-depth research, (mostly Googling), into any other possible explanations for Ariel Sharon's stroke.

President George "Richard Simmons" Bush spoke to Sharon after his previous stroke, in December of 2005 and said:

"Allow me to give you some pointers; be careful about food, start exercising and cut back on work hours, be careful, my chubby friend."

Sharon reportedly replied that he knew that Bush was an expert on cutting back on work hours and he would listen to him about the food and exercising too.

Shortly before Dr. Atkins died, (from a fall on an icy sidewalk, not heart problems which he previously had had, which were found to be not connected to his heart, or something like that), he commented on Ariel Sharon's girth:

"Wow that guy's a whale! He would be a perfect candidate for the Atkin's diet, maybe even a spokesman for the new Atkin's Kosher Plan, which I just invented. Of course if he were to suffer a heart attack or stroke after being on the new Atkin's Kosher Plan, it would probably be found to have been caused by a fall on an icy sidewalk."

So it seems that Ariel Sharon had a weight problem which may have contributed to his stroke. It is said that when he was in the company of his closest friends he would always joke around, holding his hands up screaming, "I just can't stop killing and eating!!!!!!!!" What a kidder!

The Atheologist then interviewed Dr. Mahmud al-Zahar at his office in Gaza, by phone. The Atheologist had met the Hamas chief at a gun safety course in upstate New York, a couple of summers ago. He said:

"It is an infidel's lie to say that the Christian God smited Ariel Sharon. The fact of the matter is, that it was Allah who struck Sharon because he was giving us Palestinians gestures of peace. We as Arabs have a tradition to uphold, which is the annihilation of the Jew, how can we continue our holy war when our enemy is being nice to us? We prayed to Allah to get rid of Ariel Sharon and to put in a real Arab hating Jew in his place. The first part of our prayers have been answered and we wait for mighty Allah to complete the second. We then will not rest until Israel disintegrates before our eyes. Have a nice day."

The Atheologist is a bit confused. He will have to wait and see, along with the rest of the world, on how this all plays out.

The Atheologist

What’s Going On?

2006 is just a few days old and already the faithful of the world are having the crap kicked out of them.

On January 4th why did 12 miners die in West Virginia when their town and the entire country was praying non-stop for them?
On January 4th a landslide in Indonesia sent mud, rocks and trees cascading onto the Java island village of Cijeruk before dawn, when many residents were asleep or were praying at a mosque, approximately 200 were feared dead, most of the dead were found in the mosque.
On January 5th at least 76 people die when a hotel in Islam's holiest city of Mecca, Saudi Arabia, collapsed as millions of Muslims arrived for the annual Hajj pilgrimage?

What is the reason for all the death and suffering that is happening so early in this New Year? The Atheologist didn’t have to search for very long to get some answers. Pat Robertson as usual, was one of the first to offer an explanation, on the subject of the Indonesian and Mecca tragedies he said:

"It’s simple, New Year - New Smiting, that’s a no brainer, when you pray to the wrong God, the right God will smite you, and the good Lord is a smiter extraordinaire. When you cry out, 'Allah Akhbar', while the mud is rising all
around you, you would have to be crazy to think that Jesus would put out his hand, or even his pinky to try to rescue you.”

But Robertson was not so sure about the smiting of the miners and their community, he had several theories:

“It could have been a problem with their praying. I know they say they were praying in that church, but were they praying hard enough? Were enough of them praying? Were they praying correctly? Were there any Atheists present? They do seem like good Christians, going by all the news reports, with them constantly praising and thanking God and Jesus for taking their loved ones from them. It seems that they have not allowed this little mishap, to weaken their faith, but it has actually strengthened it, but I will have to look a little more deeply into this one. Did they change their public school curriculum to include the new sciences of Intelligent Design and Creationism or are they still teaching old fashioned, heathenistic evolution theories that were disproved long ago? This smiting may have had several causes which contributed to it; it’s what’s commonly known as the "combo-smite".”

James Randi, of the James Randi Educational Foundation shares similar similar views as those of Reverand Pat; that the prayers for the miners may not have been properly phrased or that there may not have been enough of them, he writes in his weekly newsletter that when the first report came out on the NBC-TV Today Show:

“that all 13 miners had survived, people were quick to attribute it to God. On that same program, there was an item about a woman who’d won a huge lottery prize. The first words out of her mouth were, “God has answered my prayers!”…God ignored all the prayers for the trapped miners… because do you suppose there weren’t quite enough prayers? God allowed the miners to die because the pleas for mercy directed at Him weren’t properly phrased, while the lottery winner’s prayers were better formulated?”

An acquaintance of the Atheologist, who goes by the name of Crosius, seems to think that Mr. Robertson may be on to something with the prayer issue and Atheists, he notes that:

“There are no miner deaths in countries without Athiests, so Athiesm, diluting the power of prayer is to blame.”

Crosius’ theory is similar to the one that states that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s.

It’s possible that if we all learned to pray correctly, maybe God wouldn’t just answer prayers at a rate that makes it seem like he wasn’t listening or even there.

The Atheologist

Is The New York Transit Strike Part Of The War On Christmas?

The 2005 New York City transit strike is in its second day. Why did Local 100 of the TWU and the MTA choose to shut down the New York City transit system just 5 days before Christmas? Was it just a coincidence or is there more to it as the Atheologist is hearing? Bill O’Reilly, as usual had something to say about it:

This is way more than a coincidence, it is just a continuation of the war on Christmas. Can't anyone else see that? Am I the only sane, honest and unbiased person on this planet? The secularists are taking over the country and everyone is just letting them do it. Did you see how the Fox news website page was hijacked from right under the nose of the most sane, most honest and most unbiased news organization in the world? If they could do that to us, of course they would easily be able to orchestrate the shutting down of New York City, in order to halt all Christmas celebrations. I said Christmas not holidays, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas! There, I said Christmas at least 5 times and holidays only once, ok twice. I see another boycott coming. Do you hear that New York, you secular, liberal, most un-Christian like, ACLU harboring, most un-American of our large cities. You will be boycotted; I just have to work out the details.

Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, had this to say:

Of course it's part of the war! I have personally seen our Lord’s list of things to do, and U.S. cities to destroy, in a holy vision I had while I was sleeping. New Orleans was at the top of the list, it had been crossed off already, (God bless Katrina), New York had been second but was bumped to third by that heathen town of Dover Pennsylvania, who replaced their school board, which simply wanted to teach the true sciences of Intelligent Design and Creationism in their public schools. New York will have to wait while the good Lord inflicts some mighty smiting on them. That reminds me of another Pennsylvania town, the town of Apollo, PA which our creator flooded twice, once in 1907 and again in 1936 for having the foolhardiness of naming their town after another god, I guess they never read the first commandment, (you know, about having no other gods before him), our Lord is a jealous god. But getting back to the transit strike, since New Yorkers are unable to finish their Christmas shopping, they can send their spare cash somewhere where it will do the most good - to the 700 Club , and I’ll see to it that our good Lord hears about it and maybe will show some mercy to those who donate generously to our side in this war.

The Atheologist is reminded of a musical question that he often hears, " War! huh-yeah, What is it good for?" and the answer, " Absolutely nothing, Uh-huh", well I guess that's not true for some people.

The Atheologist

Is There A War On Christmas?

Is there a war on Christmas? The Atheologist has been hearing about it from a variety of news sources and Christian groups. Fox News, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, John Gibson, not to mention James Dobson, and Jerry Falwell all report Christmas is under assault by the Secularist Humanists, Atheists, homosexuals, liberals and anyone who even acknowledges that there are other holidays that share the month of December with Christmas. Bill O’reilly was recently quoted as saying:

"You can be sure that I will be looking into the workings of Virgin Mobile and their agenda in creating the new holiday of Chrismahanukwanzakah, It was bad enough that they mock the first name of our lords mother by using it in their company name, but this Chrismahanukwanzakah crap is going too far. I believe a boycott may be in the works."

And now the Atheologist has heard of some unusual Christmas displays that seem to support the allegations of this war on our country’s most sacred holiday.
One such display in New York City depicts Santa Claus as a blood spattered slasher holding a knife in one hand and a severed doll’s head with blood gushing from its eyes, while another in Oklahoma City, features old Saint Nick, a reindeer, a sleigh and crime scene tape. Santa is face-down with an arrow in his back. The Atheologist is sorry to report that in neither of these displays was The Blood Count anywhere to be found.
The Raving Atheist website quoted a concerned Christian:

"Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of a sweet baby, sent to earth to be beaten, whipped, scourged and impaled on a cross with rough spikes splintering the bones of his hands and feet," said Donna Rossi, the mother of two. "Why are they trying to destroy the meaning of the holiday by exposing our kids to brutal executions involving mythical characters?"

Will this war on Christmas escalate to other sacred Christian celebrations or will it end here when those who are waging the war see that they cannot win it because as Bob Dylan once said, “If God's on our side, He'll stop the next war”.

The Atheologist