Is Eric Rudolph a Bad Christian?

Eric Rudolph, the AKA, ‘The Olympic Bomber’, has complained today, that his new digs, the maximum security federal prison in Colorado known as ‘Supermax’ is not suiting him at all. He has written in one letter to the Gazette of Colorado Springs that his new residence, where he is serving a life term is:

“a closed-off world designed to isolate inmates from social and environmental stimuli, with the ultimate purpose of causing mental illness and chronic physical conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and arthritis,"

Note to Eric: The Atheologist appreciates that you were only doing God's work by trying to help mankind and save innocent lives in doing what you did, but you should man up and remember what most Christians do when the going gets tough. Remember the part about God’s will. When everything looks bleak and nothing makes sense just keep repeating, ‘it’s all God’s will, it’s all God’s will…’ that’s what all good Christians do. What’s a little bit of heart disease or arthritis when you look at the big picture and who are we to question God’s plan? And besides, the sooner you die, the sooner the good Lord will have you sitting by his side in paradise. Did you ever think about it that way Eric?

On a side note, maybe Mel Gibson shouldn’t have apologized so quickly for his voicing his opinions back in July. This war on Christmas is going way too far. Will those hell-bound Jesus killers ever learn?

Even the White House is continuing their war on Christmas from last year.

The Atheologist

Talking Turkey

Yesterday, Pope Benedict XVI, on his visit to Turkey, urged leaders of all religions to "utterly refuse" to support any form of violence in the name of faith.

Now that may seem like a good idea on the surface, but when the Atheologist thought about it for a while, it lost its appeal. As the Atheologist pointed out in a previous post, if it weren’t for the faithful and their religious enthusiasm, the daily headlines would become bland. The Atheologist believes that atheists have cornered the market when it comes to being boring and the religious should not try to follow their example.

Luckily the Atheologist was not the only one who thought that the Pope’s idea wasn’t such a great one. Look here, here and here.

The Atheologist

Will Atheists Ever Learn?

The Atheologist has come across an example of one of the many reasons that atheists just can’t get along with others.

In this You Tube video, from the ‘30 Days’ television show, atheists and Christians are having a lovely discussion in a restaurant. After hearing an apology from a Christian about the way Christians sometimes hurt atheists’ feelings, the atheist proceeds to needle the Christian by asking him what he thinks about having the words, “In God We Trust”, printed on American money.

The Christian’s responses, (one of which was to move), were very understandable considering that Christians have given up killing and torturing atheists and other non-believers for hundreds of years and now kindly allow atheists and other non-Christians to live in their Christian country. Why aren’t atheists satisfied with that? Should they, as the Christian in this video suggests – move to another country if they aren’t happy here? And would atheists be able to find a country where they would be happy and be able to live without always finding ways to irritate and bully the religious like they do here in the good old USA?

Just Kidding

Well, it took a while but the Republicans have finally had enough fun and are now handing over the country to the Democrats.

It seems like a good move on the Republicans’ part, what with the mess that this country is in it may take a miracle to set it right.

A Republican friend of the Atheologist’s, (who has just turned Democrat), sent an e-mail explaining why many people like himself have switched parties at this point in time. It seems that the Republicans were just having some fun with their supporters and wanted to see how long they could keep their little joke going.

Here is his email:

Things you have to believe to be a Republican
today:

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Dubya needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Keep condoms out of every drug store within walking distance of a schools. Then adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing Health care to all Americans is socialism. (HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.)

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extra-marital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, But what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

The Atheologist

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween to all. Today is the celebration of the dead; it's the night when ghosts and spirits have the power to roam the world. So everyone should be merry, but not these spoil sports who as Seattle's King 5 News reports, had Halloween cancelled:

"The school district says it got calls from witches - yes, actual witches - complaining about the continuation of ugly stereotypes. "That witches are portrayed with pointy noses and flying on broomsticks," said Karen Hansen, Puyallup School District. The district says it is just trying to be sensitive to individual religious beliefs... Puyallup school officials say the decision to cancel Halloween celebrations is a permanent one and students who wear costumes to school will be asked to take them off or leave. School officials add Wiccans weren't the only ones who complained about Halloween. Some Christian groups complained about the glamorization of the occult."

Well, I guess that even witches have feelings. The Atheologist has also heard that many parents and some local dentists were criticizing the decision.

The Atheologist

In His Own Image

As the faithful all know, God created mankind in his image. Well, the Atheologist has come across a bible verse that shows that God is a lot more humanlike than most people realize. In Isaiah 16:11, we see that God is talking about releasing his internal digestive pressure externally, (in other words farting), as most of his human creatures have been known to occasionally do:

"Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh."

I can just hear the atheists trying to explain this away by saying things like there is no proof that God produces real farts, or since they have not heard or smelled them themselves then they have no reason to believe that he does. The atheists may also use another ploy and say that since the Bible was translated and retranslated so many times, it is possible that what really happens is unknown and God may not actually fart, but simply burps.

Well the Atheologist is way ahead of those atheists and has begun searching the Bible for more examples of God and/or Jesus’ more humanlike qualities. The Atheologist will be on the lookout for other homo-sapien like traits in our Lord and his son such as; forgetting birthdays, having a bad hair or clothing day, waking up late for work, having road rage, losing their house keys, not being totally honest on their tax forms, losing patience with their children or taking family members for granted, eating too much during the holidays, littering…etc.

Here’s a bonus Bible verse on flatulence and the good Lord's forgiveness;
Economiclassians 37:12:

"And though a foul wind bloweth, a stench so unholy it singes the hair and leaves no clean air, the Lord, ever so merciful, grants His Grace unto that's wind's bearer. And Lo, even as such wind sickens the heart and mind and lost lunch pools in corners, the bearer can be held blameless for such is the Will of the Lord."

The Atheologist

A Reader Named Jeremy

A reader, named Jeremy Pierce, recently commented on the Atheologist’s Kathleen Harris post. Mr. Pierce had this to say about the Atheologist’s linking to the Landover Baptist Church", website:

“You do realize that the Landover Baptist Church website is a parody, do you not?It's a little strange to accuse Christians of doing something evil to Jews that some fiction-writer invented and wrote into a satire of some… Google "Landover Baptist Church". It's a fiction. Wikipedia says this, and so does answers.com… Taking that site seriously is like reporting something from The Onion as if it's real news.”

What you talkin'bout Jeremy? 'The Onion', bills itself as, 'America's Finest News Source', and I wonder if you have noticed how many of Wikipedia’s articles are in dispute? Is there also something wrong with the Atheologist using the “Weekly World News” as a source for news and information, as he frequently does, (here and here, for example). Tell me of another news outlet, (besides “Fox News”, of course), that pays such close attention to and reports so accurately and without bias on the truly important things that are going on in the world? How do you think the Atheologist keeps up with “Batboy”?

Jeremy also insists that the Atheologist misquoted Kathleen Harris in the post, he commented:

“…be elected, and it's actually pretty dishonest to put those words in quotes when it's not just not her direct words but a very different view entirely…I tried to find the quote ‘Only Christians should be elected to public office in the U.S.’ I couldn't, because it's not there, probably because she didn't say it. What she did say is that she thinks Christians ought to support Christian candidates, not that only Christians should be allowed to hold public office.”

The key words in Jeremy’s comment above is that he, “…tried to find the quote…” to which the Atheologist must give Jeremy some credit for trying, but had he looked a little more carefully at the original Kathleen Harris Florida Baptist Witness interview he would have seen something that only trained journalists, international spies, Rhodes scholars and investigators such as the Atheologist have the ability to detect. If Jeremy had paid a little closer attention, he would have noticed something at the supposed ending of the interview. He would have noticed this: ‘…’, at the very end, which shows that something had been cut out of the interview and it just so happens that The Atheologist is in possession of the original complete transcript of the interview.
What Ms. Harris said after the, ‘…’, is this:

“average citizens who are not Christians and therefore not too bright, should not be allowed to vote, since they may not vote for candidates who are Christians and as all true Christians know, only Christians should be elected to public office in the U.S. In addition, all voting machines should be hacked, I mean manned and programmed by Republicans, just like the way they are in my home state and all freed slaves with gross incomes over $450,000.00 dollars should have no voting limitations.”

The Atheologist really hopes that people like Jeremy will someday be able to tell the difference between facts and the truth and between a fairy tale and fiction. Only when they learn to look at the whole picture, instead of just the entire story, will the whole ball of wax begin to take shape and only then will their needle in the haystack be able to kill two birds with one stone.

The Atheologist

The Amish Tragedy

With the USA’s non-Amish, (or ‘the English’ as they are called by the Amish), community still in shock over Monday’s killings of six Amish schoolgirls, the Amish community has forgiven the shooter, Charles Carl Roberts IV. The Atheologist cannot think of anything worse for a parent to go through than having their most prized and treasured possession instantly wiped off the face of the earth. How can someone, or in this case an entire community, so quickly forgive a crime as heinous and horrific as this one? The answer it turns out is a simple one as several Amish explained.

Sam Stoltzfus, 63, an Amish woodworker who lives a few miles away from the shooting scene, told The Associated Press that the victims' families will be sustained by their faith:

"We think it was God's plan, and we're going to have to pick up the pieces and keep going. A funeral to us is a much more important thing than the day of birth because we believe in the hereafter. The children are better off than their survivors."

An Amish woman, who did not want to be named, told CBS News Early Show national correspondent Tracy Smith:

"We have to forgive. We have to forgive him in order for God to forgive us,"

An Amish elder had this to add:

“We have heard that Mr. Roberts, (the murder of our children, whom we have forgiven), was planning to and would have raped them before killing them, had the English police not arrived when they did. We want God to know that we in the Amish community would have welcomed the raping so that we would now have much more to forgive Mr. Roberts for. It’s too bad that he didn’t burn down a few of our barns too while he was at it! We also forgive the English police for arriving too early.
Oh and though it is a very difficult thing for us to do we forgive all of you English who pronounce Amish as ‘aim-ish’ and not, ‘ah-mish’, which is the proper pronunciation.”

So there it is. The Atheologist now understands the Amish concept of forgiveness. When someone does you wrong, which can include messing with your family, (are you listening Steven Segal?), you should immediately forgive the wrongdoer. If you don’t and God gets the impression that you are upset and not willing to forgive, then he may not forgive you for your sins. These sins may have included littering, rape, murder, pedophilia or coveting anything that the English have and you do not. That seems very easy to understand for everyone, (except of course for the atheists.)


The Atheologist

Ten Thousand and Counting

Woo-Hoo! The Atheologist’s blog has reached a milestone with its counter recording its 10,000th hit.
Thanks goes out to everyone who made this possible, but especially to those who accidentally clicked on the Atheologist’s link from another site.

The Atheologist

Conversations With God

A most incredible and amazing thing has recently happened. God has personally spoken to the Atheologist! Here are the miraculous details:
A blogger named Sheldon who is the author of a blog called, “The Humanist Observer”, recently posted a post entitled, ‘Conversations With God?’ In his post he makes reference to the, “Belief Net”, website and a survey that they have about their conversations with God. Sheldon then goes on to tell us what his questions were to God. Here are some of them:

"Why did you kill the innocent first born sons of Egypt for the wrong doing of their fathers? Why did you order and permit the Israelites to slaughter innocents in war, leaving only the virgins to live and be taken as captive wives? Wasn't that totally immoral? Why does your son say that because I simply don't believe in you, I am morally equivalent to people who do some of the most immoral things, and that I will go to hell for my disbelief? Why do you tell me to honor my parents in the 10 commandments, but then your son Jesus says that I should hate my mother and father, and other family members?"

He then goes on to say some nasty things to and about God, which the Atheologist will not print here. (Go to his post if you think you can take it.)
Lo and behold, shortly after Sheldon’s post was posted the Atheologist, who happened to be dozing in his big comfy chair after eating quite a heavy lunch, was visited in a dream by none other than God. Here is what God had to say:

“Hey Atheologist, tell Sheldon that I am very mad at him. I am not going to answer any of his silly questions because I am busy constructing a place that is much much worse than hell where he and people just like him will be sent to suffer and be tortured and burned and sliced up and sprayed with lemon juice for ever and ever,(all because I love them). Tell him that I don’t have to answer his or anyone else’s questions because I am God and it’s all part of my master plan and it will all make sense in the end for those who believe and trust in me. But I do apologize for the run on sentences. Now wake up and go tell him, you can do it in a comment on his blog if you want to.”

And that’s just what the Atheologist did, now the rest is up to Sheldon.

So what has the Atheologist learned a lot from this incident? He has learned that you do not question God. That Sheldon is not really an atheist because atheists don’t talk to God. And that God sometimes speaks to ordinary people like the Atheologist, not just the more important ones like him, him, him, him or her.

The Atheologist

A Page On Mark Foley

Congressman Mark Foley, (Republican from the Sixteenth Congressional District of Florida who built his political career as a protector of children), has abruptly resigned after many years of service. He resigned after he came under scrutiny for sending questionable emails and instant messages to a 16-year-old page. Many of his constituents and others have had unkind words for, and are distancing themselves from the congressman.

The Atheologist on the other hand, applauds Foley, who is well known for his great work in helping exploited children, especially in the area of pedophilia. The Atheologist feels that Foley never should have resigned. Transcripts of his instant message exchanges show his great interest, passion and penetrating love of young, (male), adolescents. The Atheologist does not understand where all of Foley's friends in the, “Family Values”, party are and why they aren’t standing behind this great man. Foley in the past has received high ratings from the Christian Coalition and helped write laws to shield youths on the Internet from what he described as "sick people."

All is not lost for Foley though. Due to his many years of service on the Washington scene he is surely very skilled in the ins and outs and workings of the politics inside the Beltway. The Atheologist predicts a future career as a lobbyist, or something more hands on*, for Foley, possibly with a youth group such as NAMBLA.

*One of the Atheologist's many sources has told the Atheologist that Foley isn't just very computer savy, but is a very hands on type of a guy. That information should become public knowledge shortly.


Here’s a video tribute to Foley.

The Atheologist

Benny and Mo and the Religion of Peace

Pope Benedict XVI has apologized for offending Muslims and Islam, (the religion of peace), in a speech in Bavaria last week. He said the medieval text which he quoted did not express in any way his personal opinion, adding the speech was an invitation to respectful dialogue. The Pope has been under intense scrutiny amid angry reactions from throughout the Muslim, (the followers of the ‘religion of peace’), world.
The murder of an Italian nun and her bodyguard in Somalia may be linked to Muslim anger in reaction to the Pope’s speech. And yesterday the surge of violence continued. Two churches in the West Bank were set on fire, following five incidents in the West Bank and Gaza on Saturday, when five churches were firebombed and fired at.
In an internet statement, an al Qaeda linked militant group vowed a war against the, "worshippers of the cross", in response to the pope's speech. The Mujahideen Shura Council, according to Reuters, had this to say:

"We tell the worshipper of the cross (the Pope) that you and the West will be defeated, as is the case in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya,…We shall break the cross and spill the wine....God will (help) Muslims to conquer Rome. ... God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahideen."

It is obvious to the Atheologist that Muslims the world over have such a deep respect for and value so highly what the Pope has to say about their, “religion of peace”, that he has the ability to turn Muslims away from their peaceful, loving and respectful ways. It seems to the Atheologist that the Pope now has a lot more to apologize for. He needs to apologize for not apologizing quickly enough and now he needs to apologize for all of the violence and killings that have occurred and are still occurring, all due, as the Atheologist sees it, to his lack of understanding of Muslims and their, “religion of peace”.

The Atheologist

Is There A Doctor In The House?

Back in July, Zimbabwe lifted the ban on the practice of witchcraft. (Exodus 22:18 be damned!) The Zimbabwean government acknowledged that supernatural powers exist - but prohibits the use of magic to cause someone harm. The new ruling also reversed the 1899 legislation that made it a crime to accuse someone of being a witch or wizard.

The president of the country, who has been in power for 26 years, is Robert Mugabe, popularly known as just, “Bob.” The Atheologist applauded Bob and his constituents back then for having the guts to show that religious discrimination is wrong. Freedom of religion means freedom for all religions, even Black Magic, not just the more popular ones.

Now more great news from Zimbabwe - witch doctors, are going to be permitted to give patients official sick days, which will be recognized by employers. The Atheologist thinks that this is a great idea. I know that if I’m under someone’s spell, the last thing I would want to do is go into work and spread my nasty spell amongst my co-workers, even if I still had my penis.

The Atheologist

Kathleen Harris and The Red Sea Pedestrians

Florida Congresswoman Kathleen Harris recently told the Florida Baptist Witness that – 1) separation of church, state is “a lie”, 2) God and America's founding fathers did not intend the country to be "a nation of secular laws", and 3) "only Christians should be elected to public office in the USA". For some reason, there was quite a hullabaloo. The loudest outcry came from Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, a Florida Democrat who is Jewish, she told the Orlando Sentinel that she was "disgusted" by Harris's comments.

The Atheologist is having a hard time understanding why some Jews would have a problem with Ms. Harris’ pro-Christian comments. Could it be possible that this is a form of anti-Christianism? Isn't it the Christians who always remind everyone that an atheist should not "be considered as citizens", and therefore never be elected to public office. Wasn’t it the Christians who fought to have “In God We Trust”, printed on our currency and stamped on our coins? Wasn’t it the Christians who had the words, “under God”, inserted into the pledge of allegiance? And isn’t it the Christians who are trying to have this country return to its Judeo-Christian roots by having for example - the ten commandments displayed in every public space possible? “What part of Judeo- Christian”, are these Jews not seeing? And come to think of it, didn’t God hand off the ten commandments to Moses, who happened to be Jewish himself?

I mean is the Atheologist the only one who thinks that it is possible Ms. Wasserman Schultz is overreacting just a bit and maybe guily of being a little too pro-Semitic? The Jews have the honor of being God’s chosen people. As far as the Atheologist knows, they have more holidays than any other religion on earth. And we all know that everyone likes a good bagel. Isn’t that enough for them? That is only one of the Atheologist's many Jewish questions.

P.S. Here's just one example of the many unselfish good deeds that Christians have done for the Jewish people.

The Kabbalah Cleaning Service

As many of you have heard, pop diva Madonna, along with husband Guy Ritchie, have been lobbying the British government to use a powerful Kabbalah fluid to clean up radioactive waste.

The couple, both followers of the Jewish spiritual movement Kabbalah, approached Downing Street, Whitehall and British Nuclear Fuels , promoting an idea on a way to clean up radioactive waste using a "mystical" liquid which has already been tested successfully in a Russian lake. This very special water according to Kabbalah beliefs, “can receive magic healing powers through meditation and the consciousness of sharing”. That sounds very reasonable and logical to the Atheologist. But why would the “Material Girl” limit this magic cleaning solution to only cleaning up radioactive waste.

Why stop there? The world has so many other pesky problems that also need addressing. The Atheologist can think of a few: How about using it for that cloudy pool water, as a mouthwash for those, ‘bad breath germs’, that mildew problem in the bathroom that you can’t seem to get rid of, cleaning computer keyboards, ring around the collar and our Sicilian friends may be interested in using it to removing those annoying blood stains from the carpeting.

The Atheologist has a few suggestions on what to name this cleansing wonder. How about, ‘True Blue’ or ‘Like a Prayer’ or so there’s no beating around the bush, ‘Cleaning and Radioactivity de-Actifying Kabbalah Powered Treatment Solution’, or “CRAKPOTS” for short.

Mel Gibson In Rehab

Mel Gibson entered a rehab program after his arrest on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, his publicist said Monday.
The Australian-raised actor-director's publicist, Alan Nierob, told AP that Gibson, 50, was in bad shape and very sorry for the alleged bad judgment he made when he allegedly drove his car while he was allegedly drunk.
But Gibson's alleged outburst, which included a comment that "Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world", has caused public outrage. Gibson already had been accused of anti-Semitism in his movie, The Passion of the Christ. For some, his alleged drunken tirade confirmed the allegations were true.
But Gibson’s publicist has relayed a second apology from Gibson stating that he never meant for anyone to hear what he had said about the Jews and that goes double for those, “Jews For Jesus”, Hebes - the Christ killers who obviously have mended their ways.

The Atheologist suspects that being the devout Christian that he is, at least he won't struggle, (like an atheist would), with that part of the 12 steps concerning acceptance of a higher power.

The Atheologist

The Mouse Story

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.
"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard,the mouse proclaimed the warning: "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me. I will pray for you.
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose. I will remember you in my prayers tonight.”

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.
The snake bit the farmer's wife.The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows that you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.
But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, that the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, what is the moral of this story?
Some may say that since we are all involved in this journey called life, we must keep an eye out for each other and make an extra effort to help one another.
OK that’s pretty good, but the Atheologist thinks that the real moral to this story is this: The next time you hear of someone who is facing a problem and you pray for them, don’t forget to pray for yourself first!

The Atheologist

Bush And The NAACP

For the first time since he took office, President Bush , yesterday, engaged in his first address to the NAACP at their 97th annual convention.
He had turned down their invitations since becoming president, and looked like he could become the first sitting president since the 1920s to refuse to address the NAACP.
It went as well as one would have expected and towards the end of the 33-minute speech, the president made the cut sign under his chin and several Secret Service personnel went through the crowd asking all reporters and news men and women to turn off all of their audio and video equipment. What happened next? Well luckily the Atheologist was able to aquire the transcript of what the president said, from an annonomous friend who happened to be there and who happens to know shorthand. Here it is:

"I had to have y'all turn off your recording devices because I don't want to have the same thing happen to me like it did the other day when I was talking to that English guy and the "s" word slipped out of my mouth and was heard by billions of people around the world. I need to talk to all of you nice colored people as a fellow brother, hell, we're all brothers because we have the same father and you all know who I'm talking about.

As I said before and by the thunderous applause I received, I see that all you nice Negroes agree with me that we want a united America that is one nation under God. But what about those people who don't agree with us, what about the Atheists? Well here's what I have to say about them:

They don't know shit about Jesus.
Atheists think that their shit don't stink, but it does a lot.
They need to get their shit together.
They don't know it, but they're in deep shit when judgement day comes around.

Hey here's a riddle: How many dumb as shit Atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder. Do y'all get it? They're so shittin' stupid they don't know that you just have to turn the shittin' bulb to get it in. Get it? That's funny! Sister Condoleezza told me that one.

Anyway back to those Atheists. They should find a shitty country that wants them and move there, shit, they should take all of the Democrats and anti-war people with them too.

Did y'all know that there aren't any Atheists in foxholes? That's because they're all a bunch of cowards and when they know that the enemy is acomin' they shit their pants and run. I'm not makin' this shit up, these are facts.

I am pretty sure that there aren't any Allahites or Heebs here today so when I speak about God I know that we are on the same page. I'm talking about Jesus, our savior.
Now even though Jesus was white he loves all of you colored people equally, so God bless you all.

Now I have to go have some kind of a meeting about those pesky Arabs and Heebs and all of the problems that they're having. It's about time that they got their shit together. Hey, does anyone need a massage?

The Atheologist

Why Was The Atheologist Banned From This Blog?

A blog named, “A Lady's Ruminations", has banned the Atheologist from leaving comments. But why? The blog's main author, 'Lady Jane', according to her profile, is a very Conservative Republican, loves 'having a proper Tea', (Twinings). She also seems to love the Drudge Report, Fox News, President Bush, Dick Cheney, Ann Coulter and Jesus and is a devout Christian,(Catholic?), who hates liberals, Atheists, gays and the ACLU. In the header portion of this blog is a quote from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice: "Jane was firm where she felt herself to be right.”. The Atheologist was curious to know what that meant and asked this:

"Your blog's header has this quote: "Jane was firm where she felt herself to be right.”,
I would like to know if Jane is referring to the feeling of her right breast which was firm when she felt it and if so, when will she let us know how her left breast’s firmness compares to her right one's? "

Shortly thereafter, when the Atheologist tried to place another comment on this blog, he got: "Banned by webmaster. Your comments will not be added".
What a bummer!

The Atheologist

*A note to ‘Lady Jane’:
Your Blog takes an awfully long time to load.
If I were you I would contact the Bacon Eating Atheist Jew. I remember that he had a similar problem with his blog and has rectified it.

The Persecution Of Star Jones

The Atheologist has acquired what he was told are transcripts of edited out parts of Star Jones’ recent 'Larry King Live' appearance. In these transcripts Star tells Larry that the 'American Atheists' organization and other Atheist groups are responsible for her departure from ‘The View’. Here is a section from the transcripts:

Star Jones Reynolds: It was the Godless, pro-slavery, Payless Shoes boycotting, Atheists that are responsible, and they had it planned for a long time.

Larry King: Why would they? How could they, accomplish that?

Star Jones Reynolds: They are very mad at me for pointing out that an Atheist should never be elected as president of this country. Those Atheists must have done some kind of devil worship, sacrifice ritual, which put a curse on me and caused me to go from a plump curvy beautiful woman of color, into a shriveled up skinny hag, which is the main reason that I got kicked off the show. I did not have gastric bypass surgery! I swear!
Everyone knows that Atheists are one of the most powerful and sinister groups in this country, topped only by the Israeli lobby and Oprah. Barbara (Walters) is a very evil person, probably an Atheist. But everyone will see that Jesus has my back and something very bad will happen to Barbara and probably Rosie too in the near future.

Could this be true? And why were these parts edited from the show? How can a "Live" show be edited? The Atheologist has more questions than answers it seems.
But the Atheologist has not received a reply from 'American Atheists' regarding this matter, which practically confirms that they had a hand in Star Jones’ downfall.

The Atheologist

The Power Of Prayer

Since the high price of gasoline puts a big burden on individuals and the economy, the Atheologist would like to thank everyone who participated in prayer vigils back in April and May. We are now seeing the results at the pumps. In the Atheologist's neck of the woods prices for regular gas have not been above $3.00 in a long time. The Atheologist actually paid $2.839 the other day.

Obviously then, prayer does work. Look at how much money and time was wasted on studies such as this one which supposedly showed that praying is a useless endeavor. Some people won’t be convinced until God grows back a missing limb or organ through the power of prayer. Can you believe that? Maybe those people should ride their bikes or walk to work from now on.

With his wedding anniversary coming up in a few months, the Atheologist is also very thankful that the price of gold, (look at the chart below!), has been dropping since those good people started their gasoline prayers. It seems that God doesn’t differentiate between commodities.


(Luckily the Mrs. doesn’t read the Atheologist’s blog or it would ruin the surprise. She thinks that she’s getting flowers and a Dunkin Doughnuts gift card.)

The Atheologist

Da Vinci And His Code; Another Problem For The Catholic Church

Boy, it seems that the Catholic Church, (as if it needed more problems), is having a very tough time dealing with the latest big screen blockbuster, "The Da Vinci Code". The movie, unfortunately for the church, did very well, selling $232 million worth of tickets worldwide, including $77 million domestically last weekend, (its opening). Catholics and other Christians in many countries have denounced the movie. Father Thomas Euteneuer, president of Human Life International, a Catholic values advocacy group, is organizing a boycott of the film, which he says promotes Satanism. Even the Vatican is putting its two cents in.

Will watching the movie cause some Catholics to question their faith and ultimately abandon the Church and add to the problem of waning Catholic participation in the Eucharist and other sacraments? Will it add to the dramatic decline in vocations to the priesthood in the past three decades.? If so, what can be done about it? Well, the Atheologist has a few suggestions for the Church which may help undo some of the damage, they are:

(1) Bring back those old fashioned "penguin suits" for nuns. Folks oughta be able to take one look at your holy ladies and know they're not just Plain Janes whose mamas never taught 'em about makeup. And while you're at it, give them the go-ahead to start whacking uppity brats with rulers again.
(2) Start going medieval on those pedophile priests. Drag up all the old torture devices from the Spanish Inquisition, like the rack and the Iron Maiden, from the Vatican basement dust 'em off -- and wipe that scum off the face of the Earth.
(3) Teach priests Irish accents. Anyone who's seen old-time movies with stars like the late, great Barry Fitzgerald as padres knows that heartwarming "top of the morning to you" stuff is essential.
(4) Replace all altar boys with altar girls -- ages 18 and up. That'll discourage boy-crazy fruitcakes from becoming priests. Shorten the altar girls robes to show a little thigh and I betcha that'll double church attendance in no time flat.
(5) Priests need better costumes -- so replace robes with black leather jackets. Make the outfits cool enough and I guarantee you, plenty of Italian youths will dream of getting ordained instead of becoming "made men."
(6) Let parishioners vote on saints by a show of hands. Mind you, sometimes you'll get goofy ones like "Saint Di" and maybe even "Saint Oprah" when Ol' Tubby is pushing up daisies. But let ordinary folks get in on the excitement and Mass will soon be as popular as American Idol.
(7) Impose term limits for popes. Why not retire when you're still healthy enough to speak, for crying out loud? (8) Make bishops take a vow of silence -- but let the monks talk. I reckon those brothers who've been studying books all their lives have some mighty sensible things to say. Meanwhile, yappy bishops can afford to hush up for a spell -- especially when it comes to telling Americans how to vote for President.(8) Instead of limiting the priest conducting mass to using, and drinking wine during the Eucharist, a good lager or stout along with a large selection of aperitifs, digestifs and liqueurs should be made available to those priests with a preference.
(9) How about handing out door prizes, but only to those who stay for the whole service.
(10) Start a punch card system and anyone who attends 10 Sunday masses in a row, is excused from contributing at the next service when the collection plate comes around. They can just throw their used up punch card into the basket.
(11) As Jesus performed miracles during his short time here on earth and since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, priests could perform magic tricks, (simple sleight of hand should suffice), during mass. Many in the congregation who now regularly fall asleep during service, would have their eyes glued to the altar trying to figure out how Father Mackenzie did it. And it’s not out of the question that this would influence the little ones in the congregation into considering the priesthood as a viable option for their vocations.

If just a handful of these suggestions were put into practice the Atheologist is sure that the Catholic Church could steal faithful away from those, "less fun", religions and maybe snag an Atheist or two in the process.

Now the Atheologist is off to see what Bat Boy is up to.

The Atheologist

Can Christians Be Angry Too?

The recent article by Rabbi Gellman, made the point that Atheists are often very angry individuals. One of the Atheologist’s readers named 'Tommy', left a comment yesterday on the Atheologist’s post on the subject. This was the comment:

“You know what? I wrote you a long letter in answer to your idiot diatribe and then discovered I had to join a blog site. Of course this wiped out my letter and I would have had to write it all over again. I decided you just weren't worth the trouble.”

For some reason he seemed a little upset at the Atheologist, angry even.
The Atheologist did a little research and came to find out that this individual did in fact have his own blog, he was just not aware of that fact. His blog is entitled “Defending The King”. And in the first post on his blog, “Dang it. I'm getting fed up with it!”, it appears that he is a very angry Christian.
Now the Atheologist, being the fact finding, I report you decide, kind of investigator became a little suspicious after reading his post. Could this individual be one of the many bloggers who are not in fact what they make themselves out to be? (That’s going around a lot these days.) Could it be that this blogger is pretending to be a Christian and is actually an Atheist? Look at what made the Atheologist suspicious - Several statements in his post, like when he was referring to:
(1) his daughter- “ I'd sure like to ring her neck sometimes and smack some sense into her.”
(2) Atheists- “I guess I'm going to go now and find me an atheist to beat up! (Just kidding)”
(3) those with differing opinions- “If you don't like what you read here drop me a line anyway and then I'll meet you out behind the barn! (kidding again)”
The Atheologist was very surprised that a Christian could actually resort to violence, (or was he really just kidding?); I don’t believe that Jesus ever did, resort to violence that is, come to think of it I don't think that Jesus kidded around much either. Could this in actuality be an Atheist’s attempt to put Christians in a bad light? The Atheologist had to find out.
The Atheologist went undercover, this time disguised as a concerned Christian. The Atheologist shot out this email to Tommy:

“I don't think you picked a good title for a blog. You seem to be saying that our King is weak and needs help defending himself. As a Christian who has debated many atheists before I think that they will turn that around and use it against you.”

'Tommy' responded with:

“As you well know then, not only do atheist believe our King may be 'weak' they believe our King doesn't even exist. This blog is directed to a godless society on a secular level that even they can understand.
I agree with you in that our King does not need defending however, that is 'preaching to the choir'. I stand by my title. Should I be attacked for it I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
In a round about sort of way Peter defends God when he warns of false prophets and teachers. (Pt. 2f). Perhaps not the same thing exactly as I am saying but I think you get the point.
Well Mr. (name withheld to protect the Atheologist's pseudonym) , it was very good to hear from you and I do welcome your comments. Being human and relatively a young Christian yet, I need guidance and shoring up from time to time. Fortunately, I'm a fast learner!
Walk in Faith. –Tommy”

Well now, it does seem that this particular blogger really is what he professes to be. What a relief!
So, it seems that not just Atheists, but Christians can get angry sometimes too. Well even the Atheologist, (and maybe Rabbi Gellman), I guess, can learn something new everyday!

The Atheologist

A Note To Albert Gedraitis

A recent blog post on the, "refWrite...page2", blog, (May 12th entry), which notes its publisher as Albert Gedraitis, made a guess, or as he put it he had, “One thawt that nags me”, and that was that the “Atheologist” blog and the “Bacon Eating Atheist Jew” blog may be authored by the same person. He then goes on to also comment about the Jewish Atheist, (who wasn’t bothering anyone), and the problems that he has with him too, to this I say to Albert:

Hey good guessing Albert, but you are wrong. Did it ever occur to you that the 'Bacon Eating Atheist Jew' blog, the 'Atheologist' blog and your blog too, may be authored by the same person? I’m just kidding of course, but sometimes you have to think outside of the box as the Atheologist often does.

I have one thing that I must clarify about statements that you made regarding my post in which the link to the “Nerdy Christian Bitches” appeared, or the “picture of six unglamorous lovely young women” as you called them.
I was not trying to demean them at all. If you had bothered to read the entire post instead of just clicking the link, you would have seen that that picture was an integral part of the post. Oh and by the way they were actually Christians, Presbyterians to be exact, look here. And one more, 'by the way', I don't think that you should have insulted them by calling them “unglamorous”. Just because they do nothing for you, doesn’t mean that some nerdy Christian studs wouldn’t think that they were hot.

Albert, may I suggest that in the future you employ logical assumptions, as the Atheologist does, in your research instead of the illogical ones that you obviously use.

Example: The Bacon Eating Atheist Jew says that he eats bacon. The Atheologist claims, on his profile, to be a vegetarian. Using a logical assumption, one would say that they are both telling the truth or both lying if they were the same person. Hence they must be two different individuals.

Based on the meat eating data and using an illogical assumption, as you seem to be in a habit of doing, you would have to assume that neither one of them is a professional wrestling fan although at least one of them may not believe that it is a staged event. Get it now?

Albert, please note that the Atheologist's dog does not even remotely resemble a border collie.

The Atheologist

Don’t Judge A Blog By Its Cover

The Atheologist has come across a blogger who may not be what he professes to be. This particular blogger, who shall not be identified by the Atheologist, leads his readers to believe that he is an Atheist.
Now the Atheologist, whose job it is to find the truth in all things relating to Atheism and religion, believes that he sees this blogger for what he really is. This particular blogger is no Atheist, but actually a Fundamentalist Christian!

The Atheologist has witnessed thousands of online debates between Fundamentalist Christians vs. Atheists and Fundamentalist Christians vs. people of other faiths and has become an authority on the way Fundamentalist Christians operate. Here is the evidence gathered from his blog and online forums, that have led the Atheologist to his logical assumption, see if you don’t agree:

(1) Anyone who disagrees with him is wrong – A typical Fundamentalist trait.
(2) Resorts to name calling and belittling instead of discussion when he is frustrated – A Fundamentalist technique, (uses retarded, retarded moron, gullible, stupid, ignorant, jerk, French whore, Moonbat and Dhimmiwit often).
(3) Posts his and his dog’s picture on his blog – A real Atheist knows, that for an Atheist, this is a very dangerous thing to do. (But then again maybe it’s not really his picture or his dog’s picture and he’s not really a Canadian, he’s probably from Alabama).
(4) Strongly defends and supports Israel’s right to exist – Fundamentalist Christians need Israel to exist so that the Biblical End Times scenario can play out.
(5) Brags a lot – about his dog, his sense of humor, his intelligence, the number of hits his blog gets…this is a typical Fundamentalist Christian superiority complex trait.
(6) Has a great singing voice from all those years he spent in his church choir - as witnessed from audio clips on a recent blog post of his.
(7) Doesn’t have a job – He doesn’t need a job because he probably gets money from the Bush Administration’s Faith Based Initiative program funneled through his church. (Remember he’s from Alabama).
(8) Pretends to be a racist and bigot – True Christians are not. (A cunning use of deception here) .
(9) Does not like conspiracy theories - (except for those against Israel see # (4) above) – This is an offshoot of the hatred that Fundamentalist Christians have towards any theory, examples; Evolutionary theory, big bang theory, gravitational theory, alien clone theory…etc.
(10) Recently started screening the comments to his blog – Maybe others besides the Atheologist were getting wise to his ways.

There was one thing that at first bothered the Atheologist in the early stages of his investigation into this blogger. His spelling and grammar are impeccable. (It is a well known fact that Fundamentalist Christians have terrible grammar and spelling because they have a hard time concentrating in English class what with their minds constantly on Jesus.) The Atheologist looked into this anomaly and found out that some Fundamentalist Christians actually know how to use Spell Checker, (what a relief that was).

There is still one question that the Atheologist cannot answer at this time about this blogger:
Does he or does he not actually eat bacon?

As a side note:
The Atheologist has found several other bloggers who also do not actually appear to be what they profess to be. There is one in particular one that caught the Atheologist’s attention. She is a blogger who gives the impression of being a devout Catholic, but the Atheologist is working on the theory that she may actually be a Black, Lesbian, Atheist, Migrant Mud Wrestler. Stay tuned.

Update 2/01/2007: It seems that the blogger who is the subject of this post, is still practicing his deception. In the interest of public safety and truthfulness the Atheologist feels obligated to identify the architect of this little charade. This individual’s blog can be found here.

The Atheologist

Evangelist Inadvertently Turns Christians Into Homosexuals

Well known evangelist, Ray Comfort along with his partner Kirk Cameron have a popular, “Way Of The Master”, video out, in which Ray explains that God created the banana to fit the human hand and mouth, thus proving that creationism and God exists, evolution is a lie and Atheists are going to hell. The video has had an unintended side effect though. Here are some quotes from it:

Note that the banana, (the Atheists' nightmare);

Is shaped for human hand.
Has non-slip surface.
Has outward indicators of inward content;
Green-too early,
Yellow-just right,
Black-too late.
Has a tab for removal of wrapper...contents don't squirt in your face.
Is perforated on wrapper.
Has a bio-degradable wrapper.
Has a point at top for ease of entry.
Is pleasing to taste buds .
Is shaped for human mouth.
Is curved towards the face to make eating process easy.

Although quite persuasive, the video has inadvertently awoken some latent homosexual feelings in many, mainly young, Christian men. Many ex-gay Christian ministries, such as Love In Action and Exodus International have reported a large increase in the number of inquiries and requests for help by these men and their new found gayness.

The entire video can be seen here, with the banana segment starting at approximately three and a half minutes into it or here for the banana segment alone. (The Atheologist isn’t sure but it looks like Kirk is more turned on by Ray's banana than by Jesus.)

A suggestion to Kirk and Ray from the Atheologist: Next time use a pomegranate instead of a banana. Pomegranates, unlike bananas are not sexy fruits and they are often mentioned in the Bible.
Now the Atheologist needs to go take a cold shower.

The Atheologist

Why Are Atheists So Angry?

Rabbi Marc Gellman, (the Kosher half of the “God Squad”), recently wrote an article which was published in Newsweek. It was entitled “Trying to Understand Angry Atheists”. In the article, Gellman states that he does not understand why Atheists are often so angry.

Over the years the Atheologist has developed the ability to decipher and make logical assumptions about what individuals are really trying to say.

The Atheologist has perused the Gellman article several times and in reading between the lines, believes that he has figured out what the good rabbi was trying to say. I have come to the conclusion that Rabbi Gellman was trying to point out that the angry Atheists are the ones to blame when it comes to the problems in our world today. The Atheologist assumes that the reason that he did not actually come out and say it, is that he didn’t want to make the angry Atheists angrier and turn non-angry Atheists into the angry type. He’s so thoughtful and kind.
Here is the Atheologist’s translation of what he actually meant in the article. If it makes the Atheists angrier, so be it:

What he wrote: “I think I need to understand atheists better.”
What he meant: Atheists are so hard to figure out, because they are liars.
What he wrote: “I bear them no ill will.”
What he meant: I wish they would shrivel up and die.
What he wrote: “…I have no desire to debate or convert them.”
What he meant: In a debate, they would use facts and logic to twist what I say.
What he wrote: “…I will admit to occasionally viewing atheists with the kind of patient sympathy often shown to me by Christians…”
What he meant: I like Christians more than I like Atheists
What he wrote: “…what I simply do not understand is why they are often so angry.”
What he meant: What the f*** is wrong with them?
What he wrote: “So we disagree about God.”
What he meant: I’m right, they’re wrong.
What he wrote: “…but I try to be civil.”
What he meant: I often want to strangle them and tell them that worshipping the devil is wrong.
What he wrote: “I don't know many religious folk who wake up thinking of new ways to aggravate atheists…”
What he meant: Atheists aggravate me to no end and they like to kick puppies.
What he wrote: “I just don't get it.”
What he meant: I don’t know why they hate God and love pornography.
What he wrote: “This must sound condescending…”
What he meant: If there is one group that deserves condescension, it would be Atheists.
What he wrote: “…I am tempted to believe that behind atheist anger there are oftentimes uncomfortable personal histories.”
What he meant: Atheists are mentally ill, and sometimes eat their children.
What he wrote: “I would ask for forgiveness from the angry atheists who write to me if I thought it would help.”
What he meant: Angry Atheists cannot get past their anger and hatred, so I won’t bother.
What he wrote: “But our world is better and kinder and more hopeful because of the daily sacrifice and witness of millions of pious people over thousands of years.”
What he meant: The goodness of the pious people cancels out the anger and evil of the Atheists.
What he wrote: “…such a vision need not be seen as a red flag to those who believe nothing.”
What he meant: Atheists, who believe nothing, shouldn’t get pissed off at those who believe anything and they should stop burning down churches, temples and pet shops.
What he wrote: “I can humbly ask whether my atheist brothers and sisters really believe that their lives are better, richer and more hopeful…”
What he meant: We’re better and we've won because we believe in God and he loves us more than he loves Atheists.
What he wrote: “I can agree to make peace with atheists whom I believe ask too little of life here on planet earth if they will agree to make peace with me and with other religious folk who perhaps have asked too much.”
What he meant: I will make peace with Atheists if they would only stop – lying, worshipping the Devil, kicking puppies, eating their children, watching pornography and setting fires.

I hope that helped.

Here is a partial listing of some of the angry Atheists Rabbi Gellman was referring to and what they had to say about his article:
About.com, Stupid Evil Bastard, The Atheist Jew, The Raving Atheist, American Atheists, Betty Cracker, Mojoey, Grounded In Reality, Atheist Revolution, Hellbound Alleee, Unscrewing The Inscrutable

The Atheologist

Open Call For Lead In New Kirk Cameron Musical

Attention, all of the Atheologist’s (male) readers who happen to be employed in the motion picture industry as actors. If you are looking for the role of a lifetime, this may be it. The Atheologist has learned that a new Kirk Cameron, (born again, 80s pop heartthrob who starred on 'Growing Pains' & 'Full House') and Ray Comfort, (an evangelical minister), are producing a new film entitled, “Jesus Christ the Musical”, and are in search of a new lead for it. The Atheologist sadly reports that the original lead met with an unfortunate accident while filming the pre-production trailer.

Here is the casting call information:

The executive producers of "Left Behind" and the director of "Left Behind II:Tribulation Force " in association with Living Waters Productions, are looking for a fresh face to star in a Way Of The Master's movie musical version of the life of our savior, entitled, " Jesus Christ The Musical ", which films this Fall. We are coming to San Francisco for an open casting call! Atheists need not apply.

Click the image below to see the unfinished trailer and lead actor’s final scene.
Warning and disclaimer from the Atheologist: The video may be disturbing to some viewers.


If you can't play Google videos on your computer, click here for the Windows Media version.

For more details, here is the contact information from the Way of the Master website. Even if you are not interested in trying out for the part, contact them anyway, they would love to hear from you. Ask them about Jesus.

Email them at: general@wayofthemaster.com

Call them at: 1-877-496-8688

Or snail mail them at:
The Way of the Master Industries
P.O. Box 1172
Bellflower, CA 90706

Good luck to all! Break a leg, but watch out for traffic.

Hey, all this ‘left behind’ talk has reminded the Atheologist of a riddle;

Question: What did the gay man who was dying of AIDS worry most about?
Answer: Leaving his friend’s behind.

The Atheologist apologizes in advance.

The Atheologist

Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day

Today, April 24th is Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day. At this time of year, one other well known group tries to grab all of the attention insist that their genocide is better than everyone else's. This year the underdog will get all of the Atheologist's attention.

The Armenians are always proclaiming the fact that their country was the first one to adopt Christianity as the national religion. What a bunch of braggers! Being the first Christian state is all well and good but has it helped the Armenians any?

Over the centuries Armenia has suffered from a multitude of invasions, wars, massacres and has been conquered by the Greeks, Romans, Persians, Byzantines, Mongols, Arabs, Ottoman Turks, and Russians. In response to Armenian nationalist stirrings, the Turks massacred thousands of Armenians in 1894 and 1896. The most horrific massacre took place in April 1915 during World War I, when the Turks ordered the deportation of the Armenian population to the deserts of Syria and Mesopotamia. According to the majority of historians, between 600,000 and 1.5 million Armenians were murdered or died of starvation. The Armenian massacre is considered the first genocide in the 20th century. To this day Armenia’s external political situation remains unstable and problematic. Not to mention the yeast situation.

After all these centuries why have things not settled down?
What can be done to reduce or even eliminate the tension in the Caucasus?
The Atheologist thinks that he has the answer.

The Atheologist has a suggestion for the Republic of Armenia and that suggestion is a simple one: Change your national religion to Islam. It may be that simple! By admitting that you realize your mistake of picking Christianity as your national religion and switching to Islam, your neighbors will now embrace you and think of you as friends instead of infidels and heathens. Just take one look at a map of your country and those that surround you. Do you see many friendly Christian neighbors on your borders? Except for Georgia, (and they have their own problems), the Atheologist certainly does not! Azerbaijan - 93.4% Muslim, Iran – 98% Muslim and your ‘favorite’ neighbor Turkey – 99.8% Muslim. What will it take for you to see that the Atheologist is right, another holocaust?

The Atheologist can picture a much brighter future for Armenia, where Armenians and Azerbaijanis will gather together and be laughing at the silly Nagorno-Karabakh tiff. Turks will be seen embracing Armenians and finally admitting after so long that, “yes we did it and we beg for forgiveness from you and Allah”. The Atheologist sees Iran and Armenia helping each other in the nuclear power department. Beauty contests would be a lot more fun. And Armenians would now be able to participate in a Jihad if they wished, (no doubt a secret fantasy for many).

Do it Armenia, you won’t be sorry.

The Atheologist

Fundamentalist Christians Protest False Advertising In Beer Commercial

The Atheologist has learned that a Guinness beer commercial has drew complaints from several well known Christian groups. The groups are protesting the depiction of humans evolving in reverse, from beer guzzling bar patrons to mudskipper like creatures. The Rev. Patrick Mahoney, director of the Christian Defense Coalition had this to say. (With a name like Mahoney, the Atheologist bets he knows a thing or two about beer):

“We all know that evolution is false, so de-evolutionizing is even falser. The fact that Guinness has chosen to show this nonsense in a commercial disgusts us and our church and our God. It is nothing more than false advertising and we demand that it be stopped.”

One Guinness spokesman has offered an explanation into the controversy surrounding the commercial saying that the commercial was inadvertently played in reverse in some markets and offered his apology. The correct version can be viewed here.

The Atheologist has noticed that the words Guinness and Genesis are awfully similar, is there something to it? The Atheologist may look into that.

FYI: Guinness is actually in the Irish stout family of beers.

The Atheologist

Armenians Crash Iraqi Beauty Contest

From ABC news:

Iraq's newly crowned beauty queen, Tamar Goregian, has decided to step down — just four days after her election, making this the shortest reign in the pageant's 60-year history.
On April 9, the 23-year-old, who was the first Armenian Iraqi to win the Miss Iraq pageant, announced her resignation after receiving threats by a group of religious extremists who referred to her as "the queen of infidels" for participating in the contest.
Pageant organizers had hoped to pass the crown to the runner-up, or "Maiden of Beauty," Mona Hilmi, an Iraqi Sunni Muslim. One of the organizers said she was "equally intelligent and beautiful."
However, the second and third runners-up also withdrew from the competition for security concerns. They had not received specific threats.
Miss Teen Iraq, Silva Shahakian, a Christian, accepted the title.

Upon accepting her crown, Miss Shahakian, the latest, 'queen of the infidels', thanked everyone and said that she would use her title to promote world peace and understanding. She noted that she would not be accepting the first place prize of a two year supply of Turkish apricots and added that the Turks should take the apricots back and shove them up their asses.

The Atheologist