Atheist Crucifixes Pulled From Church Gift Shops

Saint Patrick's Cathedral and Trinity Church in New York City, pulled crucifixes from their gift shops today after it was alleged in a report by the National Labor Committee, that they were manufactured in Communist Chinese Atheistic Sweatshops.
The report alleged that the crucifixes come from a factory in Guangdong, China, where women, some as young as 15, who know nothing about Jesus, work more than 90 hours a week for about 26 cents an hour, (less than half of China's minimum wage). The crucifixes, which cost as little as $1.40 to produce, are sold in church gift shops for $17.95. (American Capitalists pay attention; a 1200% markup is very impressive indeed.)

Just how many of these heathen crucifixes have been sold to unsuspecting Catholics, Episcopalians and other Christians is anybody’s guess. Have these crucifixes been tested for lead? Do Christians risk getting brain damage every time they kiss these crucified Jesuses?

The Atheologist suggests a trade embargo be implemented against China, ASAP!! The embargo that the US has against Cuba since 1962 has successfully prevented the importation of Sweaty Cuban Communistic Crucifixes into our great nation. China is just another one of those Communistic Countries that Jesus has warned us about.

The Atheologist

OJ and JC in LV

Yesterday, the Atheologist and a co-worker, (we’ll call him ‘Joe’), were watching CNN when coverage of OJ Simpson’s release from prison, (after the alleged Las Vegas hotel incident), suddenly eclipsed all other news items. As we stared at the screen together, ‘Joe’, suddenly started screaming at the television set. Most of Joe’s vocal outburst is not suitable for young readers and won’t be documented here. And when the Atheologist switched the channel to FOX ‘news’ and he saw the split screen coverage of OJ’s vehicle making its way through the streets of Las Vegas, he really lost it.

Now the Atheologist totally understood how ‘Joe’, was feeling, but he and others like him must understand that the American news media will never deprive the American people of news stories that really matter. ‘Joe’, was probably concerned that he would be denied news of the latest thing to go in or come out of Paris Hilton’s mouth. Did Britney get wasted and puke again? What about K-Fed? Did Michael Jackson really kill JonBenet Ramsey? Is JLO's ass getting bigger? And did Joey Buttafuoco molest the Olsen twins again?

No, ‘Joe’, needn’t worry when the latest OJ incident, (clip here), temporarily overshadows other equally or even more important news stories such as the ones mentioned above. Our great professional American journalists are experts at prioritizing news stories and always make space for the important ones.

What Joe may also not realize is what MSNBC, CNN, FOX and all the other major news outlets were most likely looking for as OJ made his exit from the slammer. What they and the Atheologist were hoping to see was the slightest hint of what has become a common occurrence with many celebrities when they have been caught in sticky situations. Did or didn’t OJ find Jesus during his short stint in jail? Has he accepted JC as his personal savior, the way that he accepted, and was saved by another ‘JC’, the late Johnnie Cochran, the last time that he found himself in a pickle?

Alas it was not to be; there was no crucifix around his neck, no Bible in his hand. Did he forget Jesse Jackson, Bill Clinton, Paris Hilton, Michael Vick and the many others who have invoked the name of God or Jesus in their times of need, and times of good fortune?

Ever since Mother Theresa lost Jesus and became an Atheist, it seems to be very easy for a public personality to locate him. Did he even look? Maybe he’s hoping that Johnny will be rising from the dead in time to save him once again.

As a side note, Johnny Cochran’s final words are rumored to be:

“Tumor in your head? Man, soon you'll be dead” or “If my heart don't beat, cover me with a sheet” or "If the body don't stir, you must inter" to which God replied: “If you help a double murderer,
heaven's a whole lot furtherer”.

The Atheologist

World Breastfeeding Week 2007

As many of you know the week of Aug. 1st to the 7^th is world breastfeeding week. There are many arguments favoring breastfeeding, among them are: Mother's milk has just the right amount of fat, sugar, water, and protein that is needed for a baby's growth and development. Most babies find it easier to digest breast milk than they do formula. Breast milk has antibodies in it to help protect infants from bacteria and viruses and to help them fight off infection and disease. Human milk straight from the breast is always sterile. Breastfeeding saves times and money. You do not have to purchase, measure, and mix formula, and there are no bottles to warm in the middle of the night. Breastfeeding also helps a mother bond with her baby. Physical contact is important to newborns and can help them feel more secure, warm and comforted. Nursing uses up extra calories, making it easier to lose the pounds gained from pregnancy. It also helps the uterus to get back to its original size more quickly and lessens any bleeding a woman may have after giving birth. Breastfeeding also may lower the risk of breast and ovarian cancers…etc.

The Atheologist has always been an advocate of breastfeeding and now a brave Muslim leader has had the courage to come out and issue a fatwa on adult breastfeeding.

In his fatwa, Dr Atiya, the head of al-Azhar's Department of Hadith, said such teachings could equally apply to adults. He said:

“…if a woman fed a male colleague directly from her breast at least five times they would establish a family bond and thus be allowed to be alone together at work. Breast feeding an adult puts an end to the problem of the private meeting, and does not ban marriage, a woman at work can take off the veil or reveal her hair in front of someone whom she breastfed."

How cool is that!! I don’t know of many men who would have a problem with that, do you? (Of course the lesbian community is up in arms, but pay them no mind.)

It’s no wonder that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world today, (not counting Key West, San Francisco and New York’s Fire Island of course).

Sign me up!

The Atheologist

Does Jesus Like Big Butts?

A new diet which emphasis improving health as a pathway to serving god is catching on for growing number of black women.
SisterTalk is one such program in which religious themes, most of which, use the experiences and teachings of Jesus Christ and other bible figures to provide support in their, ‘get healthy and lose weight’, lessons. Sandra Moseby, along with her mother Frances, a participant in SisterTalk explains:

“We know that we all fall down, but we’re motivated by the lessons and by each other to get up again”

With obesity being the national crisis that it has become in America, the Atheologist figured that any attempt to reverse the trend would be welcomed, but The Atheologist has found one group that is opposed to this holy approach to health, (and surprisingly it was not the Atheists), it was black men. It seems that black men love for their women to have some junk in their trunks and there seems to be a growing opposition to programs such as SisterTalk. ‘The Big Sista Lovas Association’, is one such organization. It’s spokesman and head of operations, ‘Jaycee’, explains:

“It’s just ridiculous that’s all. If our females start baking their chicken instead of frying or forget how to make sweet potato pie or stop dropping a fatty ham hock into our collard greens that would upset me and Jesus too! Allow me to explain. Since it has been definitively proved that Jesus was a brother, he would most undiscrutably want our sisters to cook traditional soul food. You see, Jesus never got married or even had a girl friend because back in the Bible days there was no soul food or even any KFCs around. People be eatin figs and dates and nuts and shit and the sisters couldn’t be putting on any weight like that. Jesus couldn’t find a woman with any meat on her bones so he remained bachelorized for his whole life. F*#k SisterTalk, if our sisters sit around and talk, then they can’t eat and if they don’t eat then they will start to shrivel and their butts will disproportionably start to shrink away. We have enough of those skinny black women around like Halle Berry and Tyra. We gots to put a stop to this nonsense!”

The Atheologist has found that, (According to the American Obesity Association), obesity rates are the highest among blacks and Latinos. Research compiled in a 2006 Harris Interactive survey, found that 80 percent of adult black women and 67 percent of adult black men are overweight and studies suggest these numbers are rising. Those are alarming numbers; hopefully Jesus will change his attitude real soon.

The Atheologist

Possible Atheist Killed At NJ Turnpike Rest Stop

A 75 year old man was killed today at a New Jersey Turnpike rest stop for refusing to buy a religious CD.

Why did the man refuse to purchase the CD? Was it because he was an Atheist, or was he simply a little short on cash? The Agitated Atheist has his take on it, here, and a movie recommendation too.

The Other Atheists' Nightmare - The Pickle?

Most of us remember the original "Atheists' Nightmare", in the video that introduced us to the team of Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, and astounded us all.
Well, one of the Atheologist’s west coast sources, (while scrounging through the dumpster behind the Living Waters Publications creative design headquarters), has come across and provided to the Atheologist what looks like a transcript to a new, “Way of the Master” video. The heading on the transcript is, “The Pickle, The Atheists’ Nightmare”.

Here’s an excerpt:

Ray: Kirk, take this and hand me that jar of pickles. (Ray hands Kirk the opened can of sardines, accidentally spilling some oil.)
Kirk: Oh, gross! That stinks!
Ray: Sorry Kirk, unlike the sardine can, which was obviously designed by man who sometimes manufactures it with a pop tab, sometimes with an unwieldy key that has to be fitted onto the protrusion just right and sometimes with no means to open it at all and having to rely on a can opener which is usually no where to be found, the pickle jar has a large top which its creator, almighty God has designed to perfectly fit the adult human hand. The human hand needs to only provide a moderate amount of torque and bingo it is opened! (Opens pickle jar). Please note that we are talking about the half-sour pickle here, not the kosher dill version that has been tampered with by our hell bound Jewish friends. As one removes a pickle from the jar, (removes a pickle from jar), notice that even though it is still wet it does not slip out of my hand, that is due in part to the little bumps put there by its creator, almighty God. Now along with the bumps, the rest of the outer casing of the pickle is entirely edible with the exception of the stem, which the Lord in his infinite wisdom has composed of 100% biodegradable matter. (Placing pickle up to Kirk’s lips.) Take a taste Kirk.
Kirk: I’d love to. (Taking a bite of the pickle, some pickle juice dribbles down to his chin.) It's so crispy and firm.
Ray: Yes it is Kirk. Notice that almighty God has designed the pickle, to fit perfectly into the human facial orifice, or mouth, as it is commonly known. We all just witnessed Kirk so effortlessly confirm that, although he does needs to work on his gulping technique. (Kirk and Ray giggle and chuckle together.)………

As in the video with the first, "Atheists’ Nightmare", (despite the fact that this is only a written version), the Atheologist can’t help but feel the chemistry and camaraderie between Kirk and Ray. The Atheologist hopes that if this, “Pickle” video, ever makes it into production it will not cause the same side effects that the, “Banana” video did.

The Atheologist

Here's a pickle video that was probably not produced by Living Waters Publications, (but you never know).

The Agitated Atheist: Why I Am Agitated

The Atheologist will at times have guest posters who will share their views on subjects related to atheism. Today the Agitated Atheist, who has a brand new blog, is the Atheologist’s guest poster:

Why am I agitated?

Here’s an example of how an average even tempered atheist can become agitated and angry, (it may look like I’m picking on the Christians but at the moment, in the good old USA, they are the group most likely to agitate):-
How about when some worn out former homecoming queen piece of crap trailer trash with two teeth, from the Inbred High School choir spews some hateful, vile shit like, “u r gonna go 2 hell 2 burn 4 ever b cuz Jeesus luvs u", and this waste of a human life actually also has the nerve to act surprised when you get pissed at her for screwing with you. Things like this can agitate and make atheists angry.

Atheists usually have a good reason when they become angry. A large percentage of Theists don’t even know what an atheist is. For those morons who are interested – an atheist, for the most part, is someone who sees no evidence of a supernatural being or god and therefore sees no reason to believe in one. No, we don’t, “hate God”, eat our children or worship the devil as many of you dimwits have been told. And we are usually smarter and morally superior than you religious kooks. That’s right – look it up in your Bibles if you can read.

The truly angry people are the ones who run around vomiting mindless hateful crap like Theists do to atheists every day. The depraved crap that Theists spit out every day would put Hitler to shame - "Come believe in and worship this loving being who has ordered his people to commit rape, mutilation, genocide, torture, child abuse, kidnapping, slavery, and murder - or our wonderful loving god will send you, the child he so dearly loves, to eternal torment." Again, read your Bibles!

The Agitated Atheist? You bet your ass I'm agitated! But I only become that way when I get openly attacked day after day and year after year by "loving people" who follow this "loving god" and who spew out crap at me which I could never hope to compete with when it comes to anger, hate, intolerance, and bad will towards mankind. The only reason that we atheists are frequently angry is because Theists are so frequently attacking us while running their mouths in high gear and their brains in low gear. ! I'm agitated and angry because you idiots are so un-believably infuriating, you walking, talking piles of horse crap!

The Agitated Atheist