What Is An Atheist-Fundie?

We have all heard about the various Religious-Fundametalists, that there are in the world. ("Fundie", for short, usually refers to the Christian variety in the USA).
But what is an Atheist-Fundie, do they even exist? Yes they do!
The Atheologist believes that he has come up with various criteria to find out if you or someone you know may be an Atheist-Fundie.

You may be an Atheist-Fundie if:

You are furious at God for not existing.
You refuse to use the word “excruciating” because of its origins in describing the agonies of crucifixion. (ex crucis – from the cross).
You get angry when Christians tell you you're going to a place that you don't think exists.
You address Christians with terms such as “waco”, “Jesus Freak” or “looney toon”
You're saving up to move to some more enlightened place, like Sweden.
You refer to the crucifixion of Jesus as the “cruci-fiction”.
You refer to the Bible as the “buy-bull”.
If someone says “God Bless” when you sneeze, you make them take it back.
You categorize the Mel Gibson movie, “The Passion of the Christ”, as a horror or a historical fiction film.
You think eating bread and drinking wine is cannibalism.
The only Commandments you know are the ones that are unconstitutional.
You not only spell “God”, with a lower case “g”.
When you go to a bookstore, you move all the Bibles to the “fiction” section.
You think that if schools teach the Intelligent Design theory of creation, they should also teach about the legend of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
You believe that life came from nonlife, yet deny the possibility of anyone rising from the dead. (Ex: Jesus or The Blood Count).
You call your view which is held by a small minority of the American public, “common sense”.

You know who you are.

The Atheologist

Is The New Pope A Horny Guy?

The Atheologist and others often uses Pastor Fred Phelps as a source of information when it comes to Christian and religious issues in general.
A good example of why he and the Westboro Baptist Church have such a good reputation can be seen in a fairly recent event. The Westboro Baptist Church has been informing the world that Pope John Paul II had been doing the work of his father the devil, and that Pope John went straight to hell when he died on April 2nd of last year. There is now some evidence that not only may that be the case, but that the new Pope may in fact be the devil, (previous statements by Pope John Paul II about President Bush being the Antichrist, may have just been a smokescreen.) An Associated Press photograph of Pope Benedict XVI, which appeared in some newspapers on April 22nd of last year shows what appears to be horns poking out of his head. The Atheologist emailed the photo to Pastor Fred, he had this to say about it,

"Like 'My Favorite Martian', whose antennae makes appearances at inconvenient times so do the Pope's horns. This is not an illusion and I didn’t need to see this photograph to confirm what I have been saying all along. Will this wake up the roughly one billion hell bound members of the Church Of The Holy Pedophiles? I doubt it. Even his name, “Benedict”, was changed from, “Beelzebub”, because some Catholics, even though most of them are as dumb as string cheese, would have figured it out."

Fred went on to tell me that except for the occasional altar boy mishap, there hasn’t been much going on in the Catholic Church and he added that,

"The Mary worshiping idolatrous morons haven’t participated in any recent holocausts, crusades or heretic burnings, but that may all change now that The Prince of Darkness is in charge. This is a good thing, because it means that we are nearing the end times and final judgment day, a wonderful, happy and joyous time when most of the world will be sent to burn in hell for all eternity!"

Thank you once again, Pastor Fred, for your insight.

The Atheologist

What's A Terrorist Martyr To Do?

One of the amateurish drawings of Muhammed that the Atheologist commented on here, offers some insight into the problem that young horny Muslim terrorist martyrs face today. The theory that the Muslim heaven has run out of virgins, may in fact not be just a theory and not such a recent occurrence either. The surprising revelation that many of the 9/11 hijackers that were on the FBI’s list, are in fact alive may offer some insight.The FBI seems as confused as almost everyone else.
The Atheologist usually looks for the simplest and most reasonable explanation when he finds himself in a quandary. That possible explanation comes from none other than one of the originally suspected hijackers,Saudi Arabian pilot, Waleed Al Shehri. who was one of five men that the FBI had said had deliberately crashed American Airlines flight 11 into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. When the Atheologist caught up with Waleed in Morocco he had this to say,

“I’m not saying that I did or didn’t fly the plane into the one of the American Devils’ twin towers, but I may be alive and well today because there may or may not be any virgins, at least any young and beautiful ones left in Allah’s great heaven. I was or was not given the choice of taking only 4 of these bottom of the barrel, ugly old women as my wives, or returning to my earthly existence,and I may or may not have chosen to return to earth. That is why I may or may not be here today.”

The Atheologist got to thinking about all the young Muslim girls, being killed recently in Iraq and around the world. Is it possible that the supply of virgins has been replenished to pre 9/11 numbers? Is the Islamic heaven a rocking place again? There’s only one way to find out, but the Atheologist is not a gambling man.

Should Born Again Christians Be Required To Get New Birth Certificates?

Should born again Christians be required to get new birth certificates?

Okanogan County, in Washington State, may just be the first municipality in the USA to require new birth certificates to those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior. The Weekly World News has the details.
For those Christians needing a new certificate, one can be aquired here.
Hurry, get yours before the Rapture!

The Atheologist

Dissing Muhammad?

The Danish daily newspaper Jyllands-Posten last fall published 12 caricatures of Muhammad, causing an uproar that continues to build more than three months later.
Arabs and Muslims also are calling for a boycott of Danish foods, including popular cream cheese, butter and cookie brands.
Palestinian extremists have ordered all Swedes, Norwegians, and Danes to leave Gaza. Libya decided to close its embassy in Copenhagen," said it would be taking "economic measures" against Denmark.The published cartoons showed "Muhammad" in various settings. One depicts him wearing a turban shaped like a bomb with its fuse lit, while another has him with eyes blacked out and carrying a large, curved knife, flanked by two women in burqas. In another, the prophet is shown telling a line of suicide bombers seeking entry to paradise:
"Stop, stop, we have run out of virgins."

The Atheologist has taken a look at these images, and although not an art critic can see what the uproar is all about: The drawings are amateurish and lack balance, contrast or contrapposto. They should never have been published.
The Atheologist searched the Internet and found what he believes to be a portrait that is worthy of the great prophet Muhammad. This portrait seems to really capture the feelings of the artist as well as his subject matter. It is a well balanced work where the personality of the subject really comes alive, it left the Atheologist speechless, the word, synergy, comes to mind, where the whole seems to be greater than the sum of its parts. I am sure that this work of art will be appreciated by Muslims the world over. Here it is:



Somewhat related to this item was an December 2005 eBay auction of a portrait of Jesus which was actually autographed, 'with love J'., by the subject. The back of the portrait is said to have the inscription, 'I signed this, Jesus H. Christ', thus authenticating it. Surprisingly, there were no bidders.


There also weren't any boycotts, protests or death threats.

The Atheologist

New Jersey's Newest Mohel

A story that caught the medias attention late last year was about a Hebrew religious procedure, called metzitzah b’peh which involves using the mouth to suck blood from the open wound after a boy is circumcised on the eighth day of life.

Well this procedure also caught the attention of the one and only Blood Count, also known as Dracula, who dropped out of his CDU online Catholic Priest course, and since then has been attending mohel classes under the direction of Dr. Neil Pollock of Vancouver, British Columbia.
The Count, who attended the course at Pollock's clinic in Vancouver, has converted to Judaism and is preparing to set up his practice in the heavily Orthodox Jewish populated community of Tenafly, NJ. He recently commented,

"Sure, becoming a Catholic priest would have been great, but there was so much confusion when it came to consubstantiation and transubstantiation. Was it now bloody wine, pretend blood, real blood or still just wine? They just couldn’t make up their minds. It drove me nuts."

When asked by one of his fellow classmates at the graduation ceremony if he would be a, “cutter”, or a, “snipper?”, the count replied,

"I haven’t perfected my technique yet but am looking forward to really sinking my teeth into my new found profession. Shalom."

And the Count kidded that he had heard that the tips were pretty good too.

The Atheologist

Survey: The World Trade Center Cross

From time to time the Atheologist will be conducting short surveys through this blog, and other venues, on a variety of issues such as, and relating to; Atheism/ Theism, Church/State, Evolution/Creationism, Paper/Plastic…etc.


Background: Recovery worker, Frank Silecchia noticed two steel beams in the shape of a cross as debris was being removed two days after the 9/11 disaster. The cross now sits at the World Trade Center site along Church Street on the eastern border of the 16-acre WTC site. Frank, who describes himself as a born-again Christian was quoted as saying,

"Even an atheist watching this building must have said, 'Oh, my God!' Evil did this work, and God prevailed to show his strength."

What do you think.

1) The World Trade Center cross,
a) was left as a warning by the Christian God.
b) was left as a sign of love by the Christian God.
c) was left by Allah to show that he was victorious. (typical Muslim response.)
d) is just a chunk of metal, and it is actually in the shape of the letter “X”, not a cross at all.(typical Atheist response).
e) none of the above.

2) The fact that no other religious symbols formed by pieces of the demolished buildings were found in the rubble means,
a) that the Christian God exists. (No other gods do.)
b) that the symbols that were left by the other gods, (star of David, Islamic Star and Crescent the Wican Pentagram…etc), were accidentally shipped off to the landfill, (dump), on Staten Island.
c) that the other gods were not there that day.
d) it’s not a religious symbol, it’s just a chunk of metal. (Typical Atheist response).
e) none of the above.

3) When the WTC site is rebuilt, the cross should be,
a) the central point of any memorial, or placed on top of the Freedom Tower.
b) moved to the RNC headquarters.
c) moved to a nearby church. (Typical Americans United for the Separation of Church and State response.)
d) melted down and recycled into something usable. (Typical Atheist response).
e) none of the above.

4) If and when the cross is displayed at the new WTC memorial, there should also be:
a) a ten commandment display.
b) a display sponsored by any religion, other than Islam.
c) a bust of President George W. Bush.
d) a curtain hiding the cross. (Typical Atheist response).
e) none of the above

The Atheologist